"You Don't Take A Picture of An Icon's Butt"

I knew today was coming. I had plenty of warning.  I saw it in Taos over a year ago, then "The Walk of Fame Star coverage," finally the tabloids at Albertsons.  When I got the email yesterday morning I was shocked. It's as if I never saw it coming.  "Dennis is gone."  Our conversations had been brief over the last year. But, "gone?" That's it?  He's an icon for God's sake.  Dennis Hopper made his transition May 29th, 2010. 

I met him working as a costumer (his) on Season I of "Crash."   The first night we were shooting with Dennis was a magical night.  Our DP, Russell Lee Fine had lit Dennis' character's Limo with a box shaped light that hung from a crane. It looked as if the black car was about to be lifted by a tractor beam of light.  The lights of Albuquerque twinkled in the background. For the 3 seconds we saw it on TV, it was LA.

 Setting up the night shot with the limo.

The crew had been giving updates regarding Dennis Hopper's proximity to set.  "Mr. Hopper this, Hopper that, 10 minutes 'til Hopper" buzzed on our radios.  I had never worked with a true icon before.  I didn't IMDB him, as many would.  My boss, our costume designer Amy Stofsky had worked with him before and said he was a professional to the bone.  The closer he got, the more the word "Hopper" buzzed out of my radio headset.  I kept getting an image of a bunny every time someone said "Hopper."  When I left the wardrobe trailer to meet Dennis Hopper I said to my crew: "going to meet The Bunny now."  They laughed because it broke the tension.

Some Cast & Crew  of Season I

L -> R

Jocko Simms, Liz Lash, Terri Ann, The Bunny, Me, Huggy

Blair, Shannon, Beth, Jen McPfiefer

When I stepped into his trailer Satya, his assistant greeted me.  I glanced past him and saw the most incredible twinkling blue eyes looking at me.  I said to myself: "Now I get it.  Those are some amazing eyes. Paul Newman, step aside." I introduced myself and said that I knew he was an artist and collector as well from an article I read in the NYT years ago.  I offered that I too was an artist, but one had to earn a living.  :-) At that instant we clicked.   So began a mutual endearment, and a most memorable working experience.  I continued to call him "The Bunny."

 Jocko Simms, Dennis Hopper between takes doing a radio check.

As a costumer, I had to keep a record of what my actors wore in each scene. I learned early on that jeans from the front all look the same in photos.  But the pockets on the back are usually different.  So I always take a "butt shot" for continuity.  When I was getting my first continuity photos of The Bunny I did not take a photo of this icon's butt. I would do it later when I wrapped his costume.  My set mate asked if I got a shot of the pockets of his jeans.  "You don't take a picture of an icon's butt!" I replied.  We had many a laugh about that during Season I.

The jeans that I did not take a butt shot of!

Bob made a knife for this episode. Our director was Stanford Bookstaver ordered a mastodon handled knife for "Ben Cendars" character.  Ben was to pull the knife on a man in the back of the limo. (Oh, the limo, we shot a lot in the limo.)   Dennis was so impressed: "your husband really made this?" 
We talked that night and many a long day about art, marriage, our kids, movies, our love for New Mexico, his dog, and art.  When Dennis visited Bob's shop and my studio. "You are both masters!" he exclaimed.

Posing with Bob and the knife which is upside down

and it looks as if Bob is about to give him a little poke.

I was not alone.  Cast and crew loved him, and the camera loved him also.  It was a good day the days the Bunny worked. One day while I was in his trailer I showed him some pictures of my prints. He shared with me that he had never made much money with his art.  But that was where his heart and soul was.  We would use my iPhone to look at his work, my work, and other art shows around the world that interested him.  He pointed to my "Winter Solstice" piece that has 3 women around a fire.  He looked me in the eye, pointing at my phone and  said: "If you can do this...why are you doing this?" Now pointing to my radio that kept me tethered to production on set.   I was dumbstruck...speechless.  He cautioned me about time running fast, and shared his personal experience.  "You have talent, a husband you love, a beautiful home, fabulous studios. Why are you here?"  So I did what the man told me to do.  I started a jewelry company and pulled my IATSE membership. And took a pass on Season 2.  He was so right. I have never looked back.

 It's only PROPS!

Dennis somehow found out I called him "The Bunny."  He jokingly told me no one had ever given him a nick name that he knew of.  I was kind of embarrassed.  I told him it calmed me the night I met him. It sort of took the icon wind out of the sails.  He liked it and laughed his Bunny chuckle.  We got on as work mates.  That's all.  Mutual respect and a sense of humor got us through scorpion wrangling, poop on the stove, strippers, water boarding with pills, limo rides,  props joint rolling,  stupid producers, and sweltering heat, the dust of a New Mexico summer.  He was the consummate professional, always.

A "Blue Velvet Reunion" I called it.

Jocko Simms, Dean Stockwell, Dennis Hopper

I could regale many personal stories of our time together on and off set.  But I can't without crying now.  I drove by an office building yesterday that we shot almost every episode. Dennis' character Ben had his office in that building. I sat in my car in the parking lot sniffling and trying to get myself together to finish my shopping. I know I will always think of our times together when I drive by it.  Out on the balcony away from the hot lights. Dennis smoking a cigar, and sharing with each other our love of art.

Just one of many photos where he is making me laugh!

Bunny, I hope that you are in a painless place, where you can make art in abundance, a place you are loved and at peace for ever more.  It was an honor working together.  I give you my promise that some day sooner than later, I will paint a body of work from the photos of our time together. 

With love and respect,

Suz

*** On June 2nd, 2010 Dennis will finally come home to rest in Taos New Mexico. 
       Sleep well Bunny.  I'll see you on the other side. xo
--------------

On July 11th at the MOCA in LA  there will be a retrospective show of his work he helped curate:
 http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/culturemonster/2010/05/how-is-jeffrey-deitch-getting-dennis-hopper-double-standard-together-so-quickly.html
I will be there, as I know his art was his soul.  He may be gone, but his art and his movies will prevail.

Garden Update

.

 Roma Tomatoes

"One board, one nail, one bag, one rail..." -Jimmy Hodges, The Mustard Seed.

The garden is coming along.  I still give Jimmy the credit for my seeing it through.  Mike, the guy with the dirt wagon met our gate with his trailer.  That's the last we have seen of Mike.  But Lowes has delivered the last of the dirt via 3 pallets (75 bags each) on fork lifts that are driven right to the garden.  Andy, our tenant let me use his truck to pick up some bags.  So adding peat and composted material to top soil has been the best way to do this. Below is Bob with the lucky family machete opening bags of topsoil.

Andy's Truck & Bob's Machete

Last weekend I was feeling particularly triumphant because I had gotten all but 2 of the 8 beds filled and had planted green chili and tomatoes.  50 mile an hour winds blew the daylights out of them and they were laying on their sides that evening.  So I hooked up my orange mechanic's light and worked until 1am staking over 50 plants.  Mind you, I had about 8 stakes.  I cut up anything and everything we had for stakes. It was a fishes and loaves kinda story.  In the end, they all had stakes.  I don't really know how. And I don't care!  The wind continued for another day and half.  The plants are all still alive, but they have been whipped by the wind. 

This week I finished planting my original  two beds with pumpkins, squash, melons.  I have made a seat and will put trellis over the seat to make a small enclosure.  Abby our dear 3 year old friend will be the "pumpkin queen" on her throne made of pumpkin, and squash vines.  What kid doesn't like to hide under the vines?   Now to build the trellis over the wooden seat.  The vines will grow quickly, and I will need to stay ahead of them.

 

 Above the original 2 beds with peas and squash. Future home of "the Pumpkin Queen"

Strawberries under shade cloth and tomatoes

So now my challenge is the heat, altitude, and shade.  I realized that at 5,000 feet I need to provide my little sprouts with some shade.  It will be too much.  I quickly made a cover for the strawberries that were getting burned to a crisp.  Hopefully I can get this done in time.  I would like larger pieces of the cloth over the top.  But that will take some real engineering.  I designed some individual bed roll out shade.  Going to make one this weekend.  We'll see if it works.  If those winds come up...and they will, I need to avoid becoming the only sail in the desert.  It's always something, isn't it? :-)

Currently I have the following planted: mild-hot green chili, sweet peppers of green, red, and yellow, banana peppers, roma tomatoes, heirloom tomatoes, chives, asian eggplants, swiss chard, italian thin string beans, bush beans, arugula, lettuce, radishes, beets, strawberries, and herbs.  This week pickling cucumber, magic purple beans, and scarlet runner beans, lettuces, crenshaw, watermelons and more herbs go in.  I am mostly working at night as sun and I are not getting on well.  It's cool, and the crickets are out, and the full moon helps light my way too!

We have had a clutch of Phoebe eggs in the arched trellis hatch. All 4 babies are almost full grown.  They have decide they like our back yard.  It has lots of water for them to play in.  They sit on top of the shed and Mama flies in food.  During the morning and early evening they put on arial shows for each other (and me and the cats). They nap on top of the rubbermaid shed in the afternoon.  I hope they continue to live with us, in spite of the droppings!

Phoebes chicks waiting for Mama to fly in lunch.

So Jimmy: I've done it (with help from many) with your guiding spirit.  Summer is here!

Thanks for reading. I'm still amazed that you do.

xo

Suz

I Miss Italy

My Favorite view of Roma from the Castle St. Angelo

Bob and I are getting ready for the Blade show.  Although he doesn't have a table, he's got orders to deliver.  I will be at Al and Val Elishewitz's table.  So I am getting lots of skulls ready, as well as one of a kind pieces from knife scraps.  This weekend I will be in Denver for Ethan's birthday.  The calendar is full, so to speak. 

She really went "green" in Milano.

It's been six months since we were in Roma and Milano.  About this time every year, I start to long for Italy.  It's really my second home, and my where my heart would really love to live.  I don't have an ounce of Italian blood in me.  My ancestors probably never crossed the border from their British Isles.

Bob guesses some really small people drive this car.

I haven't figured out a way to go and live in the apartment for months (summer preferably).  I could teach art again, or finish my book, or find some volunteer work.  But Buddy and the cats couldn't be with me.  I couldn't bare that.  So I am here and missing my Roma.  I could open a shop like the one below.  But I'm not a retail gal.

"Jewelry" store in Campo di Fiori

 Milano Central Shopping Mall

When I am looking for photos of my jewelry, I run into the photos of Italy.  I have to look at them!  I am reminded of the wonderful times, and friends we have there.  November is half a year away.  That seems too far.  Thought you might enjoy a few pictures as well.

 Another favorite view in Roma

Thanks for reading. I'm still amazed that you do!

Ciao!
xo
Suz

Motherless Daughters and Daughterless Mothers

For those of you who are expecting a flowery Mothers Day post...check out someone else's blog.

Buddy 5.9.2010

This will be the first Mothers Day for me without a mother. My biological Mom made her transition last fall.  I have talked about her ashes  being in my studio, and having  conversations with her.   Honestly, we get along better now that she is gone.  For those of you who don't know me, I am about to let you in on what my family already knows.

We were not close, my birth Mother and I.  I called her "Tres" for the number 3.  She is the 3rd generation Susan.  I am fourth generation Susan .  Susan #1, her grandmother was a great Susan. Susan #1 had a daughter who was named at birth "Susan Ruth." She rejected having her Mother's name and was called: "Ruth, Ruthie, and Pinky" in her later years. Pinky because her red hair turned white, and during that time and looked pink.  Ruthie named my mother, her daughter, Susan Ruth.  Although Ruthie rejected Susan as her name, she had no trouble naming her only daughter Susan.  When my only daughter was born the pressure was great to name her Susan.  But I had enough of this Susan nonsense, and named her Kelley.

 Susan # 1 with #4 on her lap.

When Kelley was born, I was going to do it differently.  I was going to break the family curse of motherless daughters.  Starting with her name, it would all change.  I was going to be the worlds greatest mom.  I was going to do all those things my mother never did with me.  Kelley would know I loved her fiercely, and we would be close.  Something that had never occurred in previous generations of Susans.  I would always want to be with her, and she would feel the same about me. 

A great storyteller, and wise woman Clarissa Pinkola Estes tells a story that has always resonated with me: "The Zygote Fairy."  This fairy delivers spirit babies in a stork-like manner.  Flying with a basket full of babies, bringing them to their new families.  Sometimes the spirit babies who are wriggling with excitement fall out of the basket and into the wrong families!  These babies spend their childhoods and adulthoods looking for their true families.  "The Ugly Duckling" is a story with the same meaning.  I remember my Mother reading this story to me and I burst into tears crying: "I'm a swan, I'm a swan!"  She shushed me and made it known that I was clearly a duck.

  #3, "Tres" my Mother

Sometimes we just don't have the "right" mother.  No one is to blame.  It happens.  I was a tomboy who couldn't wait to take her dress off.  I loved dirt, sweat, boys, sex, food, and life.   When the subject of me being a debutant or having a cotillion party came up at 15, I looked at my Mother straight in the eye and said:"No way, not me.  You've got the wrong raw materials!"  As usual, she was horrified.  It still makes me laugh just thinking about it.  I began my search for my real family early on.

I had many angel Moms who loved me for exactly who I was.  The universe provided me with Irma a housekeeper who taught me to cook soul food, and love black slave songs and spirituals.  I was given Evelyn.  She was the Mom of 3 boys, one who I went to high school with.  But I knew her before her sons.  She worked for an architect above my Mother's gift shop. I would visit her when I was sent to the attic to get gift boxes.  To my delight I found her making breakfast one Saturday morning at my friend's (her son).  Before her husband died he told me Evelyn and he had a daughter who died after birth, "Susan."  Which was why he never got angry at me for blocking the garage door with my car.  He would have murdered anyone else who blocked the garage when he came home.  Not me.

 Evelyn pulling "A" in her wagon.

He died just after my Kelley was born.  My birth Mother moved to North Carolina when she found out I was going to have a baby.  But Evelyn couldn't wait for "that baby" as she called the unborn Kelley to be born.  In her grief I was available, as she was to me.  My kids called her "Grandma Buergin."  She always had home made cookies.  She always was available to listen.  When I lost "Martin" one of the twins that were never meant to be, she knew, she held me while I screamed and cried.  She told me it would always hurt: "and Susie, you are going to have to live with this and weave it into the fabric of who you are. "  Evelyn pulled no punches, and told it like it was.  No subject was off limits. I found my spiritual Mother.

When "A" was diagnosed with Autism I was pretty devastated.  Susan # 3 wanted him placed in an institution.  Evelyn wasn't even phased.  She told me to take my creative artistic traits and use them to raise him.  I did just that.  I wish she were here to see him now.  Evelyn would be so proud of him, and of me.  She used to say that by the time you get your kids through the terrible twos, teenage driving, and college...and as only she could say:" to a place where you like them and they are adults--they go away."  How true, Evelyn.

So how did it turn out with my Kelley?  The same.  Exactly the same as the generations before us.  And I see the same thing happening with her son, my grandson.  She's as powerless as the Susans who came before me, and her.  I hope for her that she finds her spiritual mother.  I wish for her to love a mother and be close...even if it isn't me.  I don't want her to suffer the same heart aches I do around our relationship when her son is grown.  He already feels he's born to the wrong Mother.  So I guess it wasn't the name after all. 

Kelley and #4

When I see those Hallmark cards syrupy and sweet, my eyes glaze over and I shut down.  Don't misunderstand what I write here.  It is what it is, and I am resolved and living with acceptance of this family thing we have going on.  Do I wish I had a close relationship with my daughter, yes.  What I learned from living as long as I have-- is this.   Time marches along, and faster than I'd like. There are no "take backs."  All the holidays, birthdays and special occasions are lost.    For all the people who do have close mother daughter relationships: thank your lucky stars.  You have a real treasure.

I don't exactly look like a matriarch.  You can see I am embarrassing her, but not E.

How ironic that I am in the business of making personalized jewelry for family heirlooms.  I get to know how much these adult kids love their mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, aunts, sisters.  It warms my heart, and I delight in their love for one and other.  When I make a necklace for a new mom I remember exactly how I felt when my daughter was born.  I am all about that hope for the new generation.

So what am I up to today?  Meeting my son at the zoo, and then go cart racing with a Dairy Queen dipped cone in the middle. All activities I chose. Also baking banana bread and delivering it with Buddy to a friend's mom who is very ill.   I am so excited to spend this special day with my son.  I will relish every second we are together.  The greatest gift my children can give me, our time together.

Happy Mothers Day. To all of you who have the right mother, or had the right mother...I am so happy the Zygote Fairy got you to your destination. For those of you who fell out of the basket, like I did: keep looking.

Thanks for reading. I'm still amazed that you do.

xo
Suz

Parenting Magazine & BabyTalk

Due to the article in the two magazines...I am swamped with Mothers Day orders.  So my blog will have to wait.  Here is a photo I took of the kitchen table with our lilacs.  Ooooh, they smell good.

And Buddy, waiting for me to get out of the shop and take him for a walk.

I'll be back just before Mothers Day.

Thanks for reading. I'm still amazed that you do.

xo

Suz

Heart and SOLE in Albuquerque

Sole Art and Antiques

This week's field trip is about a new shop in Albuquerque.  I stopped in the week prior to Easter to see my friend Kelly's newest venture.  I met Kelly Miller while working on my first show, the pilot for "Wildfire."  I was new and knew nothing about running a wardrobe trailer, or the biz.  Kelly was so kind to me.  She hired me for "First Snow" to work with the background.  I have always loved working with her.  She is one of those women who can do anything: home remodeling, gardening, decorating, computers, antique collecting.  It may sound strange, but she remodeled a bathroom in her house, and it's the most wonderful bathroom I have ever seen.  She really has an eye.

Cool stuff in Sole

Sole has a wide variety of items.  Great Route 66 kitchy to real cowboy and indian antiques.  There is even a retro modern section of the shop.  Jewelry, art, fine craft, vintage, furniture and antiques.  Only someone with Kelly's talents would have the heart to open a shop in the middle of a recession.  Which is why we get along, as I opened a jewelry company in the middle of the same recession.  Kelly summed up why I no longer work in the TV/Movie biz one day when I was having a tough time with my crew.  She so aptly put it: "This is the only business where people will stab you in the front!"  I think her time and mine are pretty filled up with our entrepreneurships. Although she says she still does commercial work, and was voted the best make-up artist in town.  What a woman!

This Bunny from Sole graced our Easter table.

Sole: 3911 Central Avenue NE Albuquerque, NM 87108

         505-554-1345

         info@soleartandantiques.com

All the best to Kelly and Sole!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading.  I'm still amazed that you do.

xo

Suz

Etsy Crashed...

This morning as my stream of orders from Parenting Magazine came in...I kept getting messages from people trying to order items for Mothers Day and they complained about Etsy being "down."
I have not been able to log onto my account in an hour.  I can't imagine how many people are frustrated as H---that they can't get on.  Grrrrrrr.
I hope they are able to fix their problems.  Soon!!  So sorry to all those customers.